


Aftermath

by Pennatus



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Dealing With Trauma, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Polyamory, spoilers for Lucy's backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 08:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2103426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennatus/pseuds/Pennatus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What I mean is, if you truly want to know Fairy Tail, you don't look at the battle.</p>
<p> You have to see the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically supposed to take place after any arc, but doesn't contain any particular spoilers, other than Lucy's back story. Please, enjoy and review! :)

It's kind of funny how used to things you get. Not like, funny haha, I guess, but…

They say each brush with death is different and that's pretty true. I mean, it's scary every time, don't get me wrong. But nothing is ever _alike_ , not really, and that's what's really scary about it. You don't know when it's going to happen, or _if_ it's going to happen. After awhile, you begin to have a different fear. Not of dying - although I'm still totally scared of dying, thank you very much - but of those around you dying. And when you're fighting for your life, and they are too, you want to believe in them, you want to believe in everyone coming out alive and ok, and when you can't - that's what fear really is.

I never thought about any of this before I joined Fairy Tail. I mean, it's not like I had very many near death experiences. Running away from home was the most exciting thing I'd ever done and the best thing I'd ever done, too, since it led me to Fairy Tail. There's something about my guild that makes you feel really special, like you really have a place to belong. They're all totally crazy and I mean that in a nice way, well, as nice as you can say that. Master Makarov couldn't have picked a more ridiculous bunch - and it makes me proud to know I'm in their numbers.

They've all had to deal with death a lot, a lot more than me, at least. One thing I know is that, no matter what, Fairy Tail works together. They band together against incredible odds and make incredible things happen. There's a comfort in knowing the guild is there, always, watching your back. Like a big family, wanting to make sure you're safe, but also wanting to give you enough freedom to figure out who you are. If only my dad had understood that better…

What I mean is, if you truly want to know Fairy Tail, you don't look at the battle. When they're battling, when _we're_ battling, the adrenaline is pushing us on, the faith of something - or someone - hangs in the balance, and it's almost easy. We set an impossible goal and we go for it and we give it everything we have - and sometimes more. Fairy Tail lives for battle, in some ways. Our guild is crazy strong and smart and battling to them is second nature.

If you want to know Fairy Tail…you have to see the aftermath.

And, for me, it goes something like this:

Natsu kicks my door open with a little too much force, as usual.

"Natsu!" I scream, tumbling out of my desk chair. "Fixing doors isn't free you know!"

"Huh?" He glances over at the door partially hanging off its hinges in confusion, as though he didn't know his own strength. Then he lifts it slightly off its hinges and attempts to jam the door back into its frame which, of course, splinters the poor thing even worse.

I sigh and drop my head into my hands. "Oh, for the love of - just leave it!"

"You should get your door fixed," he informs me brightly. The nerve, as if he hadn't just broken it in front of my eyes. Then he slouches over to my bed and promptly falls asleep.

I sit back down at my desk and pick up my pen, then stare blankly at the empty page in front of me. Somewhere inside my head is the rest of this novel but for the moment I can't see anything on this page but the stark white stock. I smooth my fingers over the paper, slowly, savoring the sensation of the material, the sensation of being alive. If I look too close, I see blood and screams and tears, so I keep my eyes unfocused.

A little while later, the door pathetically creaks back open and Erza marches in. She looks at the door in mild surprise.

"Lucy," she says, turning to me, "I will help pay for repairs if you cannot afford them. But you should not leave your home in such a state."

This prompts me to glare at the figure still sleeping at the bed. Before I have a chance to answer, Happy flies in, a bag clutched in his hands, Gray not far behind.

"Dinner, aye!" Happy announces, dropping the bag on Natsu. The Salamander flails awake then hunts through the bag happily.

"Yeah! Beef!" Natsu yells.

Gray rolls his eyes at the door, whether in answer to Natsu's comment or at the state of the door, I don't know. He closes it, with considerably more care than earlier, although it still squeaks pathetically.

The food is divided between us and for a few minutes there's only silence as we eat. The rest of the evening is boring, mundane. Gray and Natsu inevitably get into an argument, which Erza breaks up with a glare. Erza begins to lecture me about various points on interior decorating and how I should rearrange my furniture (which means she'll probably be back tomorrow to finish the job). I excitedly tell the three of them my plans for my novel, the details inevitably changing as I expand and move the story along. Gray and Natsu get into another argument, I ask Erza what her choice of cake that week is, Happy crashes into something in my room while flying around.

It would almost be normal, if it wasn't for the slightly suffocating atmosphere hanging over the joviality.

As night falls, I spread out blankets and pillows on the floor. No one will sleep in my bed tonight. It's doubtful how much sleep any of will get at all, actually. But no one will be alone.

Who's in the middle of our pile up depends on what happened. Usually it's Gray and Erza. Not because what happened to them was worse (although, it was true in a few cases…) but because they usually handled it worse than Natsu and I. Natsu had an urge to protect and dealt best when he was helping someone. He felt more comfortable being someone that they could turn to rather than the other way around and liked being the bookend of our little jumble. No matter what, though, he had to be next to Gray. I'm always secretly amused by that fact. It would make for good teasing - but nothing of what happens here tonight is shared outside of our circle.

Personally I like being next to Erza, so the whole thing works out anyways. While everything that happens is tough, and my childhood wasn't exactly pretty, I had a basic working of - well, how to be a normal human being. Erza and Gray…they held their demons close to their hearts, too close. Most things cut a little deeper for them, hurt a little longer. So they had to be held a little more gently to let go.

I fall into a restless sleep. As soon as the first dream - nightmare - hits, I'm startled awake, my cheeks wet. Sometimes it's one of my friends dying. Sometimes it's one of us failing. Sometimes…it's me, grabbing someone's shoulder…and having them turn around and not recognize me. Gray, Natsu, Erza, Happy…any of the guild members…their eyes blank, no recognition, as though my time in Fairy Tail had been torn away from their memories.

I roll over until I'm cushioned on Erza's shoulder and cry. Nothing beautiful about it. These are great wracking sobs, full of sorrow and relief. Something is always lost when we battle, but if we are together, if we are alive, I feel like I can keep going on. Gray's fingers are cool against my shoulder, Erza's hand is combing soothingly through my hair, and Natsu places his head next to me on top of Erza from where he's half sprawled over Gray. It probably looks uncomfortable to an outsider, but no one is complaining.

My tears are some sort of unspoken cue for Erza. In the quiet and dark of the night she lets herself cry as well, tears she would never want anyone to see in the daytime. She buries her face in mine and Natsu's hair, her own sobs covered up by my own.

After a while, we are too exhausted to cry anymore. My broken sobs peter off into little sniffles and Erza swallows thickly. There's a bit of rearranging before we're all comfortable again and I finally let myself relax back into sleep.

Coldness creeps over us like a mist and I'm pulling myself back out of sleep. Gray's magic always seeps out of him during this. It's like he's unable to control even the fundamental part of himself, or maybe that his magic is subconsciously seeking the presence of others. Either way, the temperature of the room drops a good ten degrees. I don't mind - that's what the blankets are for and if that's what Gray needs to do, then I'm not going to stop him.

Gray never cries, or at least, not that I can see or hear. Instead, he shivers. It's a bit terrifying. Gray and Natsu have such good control of their internal body temperatures it's almost inhuman, so to feel Gray's body wracked by uncontrollable shudders is always scary. Natsu wraps himself around the Ice Maker, and when I touch him his skin is unusually warm, warmer even than his usual temperature. Erza and I press up against the side of Gray not occupied by Natsu, and his skin is cold, but against ours it warms, slowly. Gray's breathing goes from shaky gasps, to slight quavering, to hesitant but deep inhales, as though he isn't quite sure he still wants to draw breath. At this point, Erza and I roll away, not far, but enough to give the boys a little privacy. A low growl, an unheard sentence, from Natsu has Gray answering with a laugh caught in a sob. I can't resist peaking over Erza's shoulder as they grow quiet.

The moonlight sneaking in through the curtains of my windows make the kiss between them ethereal. The brilliant white makes Gray's pale skin glow and catches on the snowflakes that are falling quietly around them. There is no violence, not even passion, as they kiss - just reassurance, mutual trust and respect, a meeting of souls bound too tightly together to deny. The snowflakes melt as they hit Natsu's skin, the droplets trickling through his hair, sparkling in the faint light. Gray's eyes blink open in surprise as a droplet hits his cheek, then Natsu is pulling away and muttering something else, even as Gray smiles.

He catches my eye as I watch, and I flush, a bit embarrassed to be caught - but Gray keeps smiling, even as the droplet crawls its way down his cheek. Natsu turns to see what Gray is looking at. His face is surprisingly soft and his lips are shining from the kiss. He does not smile as he looks at me, but it's all too easy to see the lines of his face smooth out as he sees Erza and I.

Erza wiggles her way back over to Gray and he meets her, giving her a kiss as well, short and chaste, before pulling their foreheads together, laying his fingers on the back of her neck.

She squirms for a moment. "Your fingers are cold," she tells Gray, as she does every time.

Natsu's fingers fit through Gray's and she sighs, in relief or pleasure. I know what it's like to have those two contrasting, ice and fire, each equally intense. One without the other simply seems…incomplete.

I press up against Erza, reaching an arm over them to touch Natsu, while Gray and Erza close their eyes. They look innocent and fragile like that, Gray's dark blue hair mixing with the brilliant scarlet of Erza's, their breath mingling, showing no signs of the intense magical power that is thrumming just beneath their skin. It reminds me of how precious life is.

Even as I close my eyes, I know Natsu is awake. I know he does not sleep. He keeps a vigil, ready to comfort any of us if we wake again. It's so like Natsu I allow myself a sleepy smile, imagining him watching us. He may not always have the best solution, but no one could deny his enthusiasm or loyalty.

I awoke again to a soft rumble.

"Uggh…so hungry," came Natsu's predictable complaint.

I opened my eyes, realizing I was now lying next to Gray who looked irritated to be awake.

"Shut your damn stomach up, some of us are trying to sleep, flame brain," he mumbled.

"Happy, could you go buy some breakfast?" Erza asked as she held up a bag of money.

"Aye, aye, sir!" Happy answered before his wings flared out behind him. He maneuvered the latch on my window with ease of familiarity and was quickly outside. The breeze from the now open window pushed back my curtains, bringing sunlight and the usual hubbub from Magnolia.

I didn't resist the urge I had to kiss Gray, shortly after he finished a yawn, his hair looking more tussled than usual. When he blinked sleepily at me, I smiled.

"We should go check out the forest after breakfast!" Natsu said, looking excited. "I heard they found some weird footprints there!"

"I don't want to spend my day stomping around in some forest, idiot," Gray was quick to reply.

As they dissolved into their usual arguing, Erza asked, "Do you want to go on a job to pay for repairs, Lucy?"

I sat down on my bed. "Not yet. Maybe later this week. We'll let everything cool down for a little longer." Her question was actually testing whether or not the team would need more time. I think we would need a few more nights yet before things would begin to feel normal again.

Erza smiled. "Very well."

I love Fairy Tail. I love the guild that brought me a home, a family, and happiness. I love everyone who will put their lives on the line for their beliefs, for their friends, for their guild.

But more than anything…I love my team, who's always there for me, who I've bled with and fought beside and cried and laughed and hugged. I love them, because they've seen me at my worst, and they still love me. In the end…I don't mind getting used to this. Not at all.


End file.
